New Years and Special Surprises

Wow! 2010 already? Hey, that's great. We've survived so far.

Anyway. Regarding the "special surprises"--since it's sort of a celebration, I thought we'd put aside the catty lessons and have a little fun.

Yes, that means we're going to make a list of Wendy's pickup lines.

You probably won't understand at least half of these. But that's okay, because my co-workers and I do--and apologies in advance for the raunchy nature of these lines:

Humans are swayed by wit. So what better way to pick up a lady/mancake than by personalized pickup lines? Usually, they will depend on the setting or circumstances, and are a fool-proof way to score a hot date.

Now you could easily hang out at the swankest bar...the foxiest joint in town. But there is no better place to meet people than at Wendy's! And with this set of perfectly potent pickup lines, you're assured to score.

1) "I'll stir your chili if you sanitize my station."

2) "Can I get a tray of big buns?"

3) "I'd like to put some big meat on your grill."

4) "You know when it's real."

5) "Want any sauce for those nuggets?" {I've actually been caught saying this. Needless to say, I was embarrassed.}

6) "I'd run out your trash every night."

7) "'Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty' might be a mouthful, but just wait 'til you see me."

8) "Do what tastes right, and that's ME."

Happy new year. And sorry, mom and dad, and Hannah. This needed to be done.

Sammich--Equal Exchange

Oh hay, I'm back again. Yes, with another topic to hopelessly knock you off of your high and mighty I'm-a-customer-I'm-always-right throne and realize the truth: employees are humans. Unless we're Hitler.

Oh burn

Anyway, onto today's topic: equal exchange. You may think that your throwing money at us is a fair trade for our time, food and energy, but think again. Because you're wrong. I know--the truth hurts, but it will set you free.

As a customer, you're essentially paying for a service. You're paying us for:

a) The materials, such as machine costs and the food itself--

and b) Our time and energy. Our work as human beings.

Believe it or not, you're not paying us to be nice. Being nice is a marketing campaign--we use it to bring you back. Nobody likes someone who's mean...but you're certainly not paying us for it.

Sure, we can get fired for being jerks. But we're certainly not being paid to be nice.

Therefore, our kindness and smiles is not included in the wad of money you toss at our faces. It's completely separate. Consequently to that--we expect something in return.

And what better way to pay for a smile than with a smile of your own? : )

Time for an analogy. Say that we're married: you're my handsome hubby, and I'm your woman. Now, being your wife, I'm expected to make sandwiches for you. I make sandwiches every day for you after work; and you never say thank you. You just come home from work, thinking "I make money for her. She's just paying me back for my hard work."

But I say nay! I make sandwiches for you because I love and adore and appreciate you and all your being.

Now, what would be the best way for you to show your appreciation for me, in that situation? Stay longer after work? No--that would just frustrate you and leave me feeling guilty.

The best way to pay me back would to make a sandwich for me, of course. After a hard day of cleaning and baby-raising, what if you come home from work and made me a sandwich? Oh darling, we would have sweet romance.

In this analogy, the sandwiches are obviously the smiles; the work is the money. Giving us more money doesn't yield more smiles, it yields a bit of confusion.

"Smile at me. here's five bucks."

But sandwiches yield sandwiches. Smiles yield smiles. It's just how it works.

The meat:

You're not paying us to be nice, you're paying for a service.

Therefore, we're nice out of our own hearts.

We'd like to see some niceness from you too.

I know this whole post was like Swedish gibberish, but I just got home from a whopping five-hour shift and I'm totally beat. I guess I'll draw comics now, toodles!

Perfection

I've totally been neglecting you guys, sooo I'm sorry about that. I'm glad you're not puppies or small children.

Anyway, I come to you today with (what I consider) to be a relatively important topic: Perfection.

Ladies and Gentlemen.

There is no possible way--

No possible way in heaven, hell or Earth

in America, in Europe, Africa, Australia or Asia

That we can be perfect.

Not all women look like Megan Fox, not all men look like Antonio Banderas. It's a fact of life that you should take notice to.

Therefore--

If we screw up your order, don't hold it against us.

First off, we're human and make mistakes. And believe it or not, a lot of us are even further proned to make mistakes because we're under the stress of your approval. Although some of us might not seem like we care, ultimately, we're all trying to make you as happy as possible. And that's hard to do when you're staring us down.

We do ask stupid questions.

Our minds run a mile-a-minute, and sometimes we don't know what we're saying. On top of that, we have a billion or so pre-programmed phrases that (although you may have specified earlier that you didn't want any sauce for your nuggets) we'll present to you. We're not stupid, we don't think you're stupid. We're just running on a flipping crank-it-up-Russians-are-invading top speed.

All this being said, please don't expect us to be perfect. Laugh with us through our mistakes, or smile kindly.

Because the only thing we can be perfect with is our till (if we have one). I got word yesterday that my till was perfect. It felt so good.

The meat:

We're not perfect, won't ever be.

Laugh through our stupid questions.

We can only be perfect with our till count.

Agressive Expansion

Not really, but I've been watching Batman lately so I've been in the mood for some TDK quotes.

But sort of, actually.

To expand on an earlier topic:

"There are toilets in there for a reason.

Please use them?"

I didn't really consider it a huge issue before. I mean, the most I had to do was wash the urinal by hand (which is embarrassing, by the way, when your managers don't give you a sign to keep people of the opposite sex from walking in).

But a couple of days ago, someone decided to let off a terrorist-sized excremental bomb in the men's bathroom and leave it there.

For me.

Keep in mind also that this wasn't #1.
Nor was it #2.
Nay, my friends-- it was #3.

Without getting into anymore explicit details, I was armed with the following supplies to aid in my cleaning journey:
--Plastic gloves
--About ten trash bags
--A liter of bleach
--A liter of disinfectant
--Face mask
--Mop and bucket
--Paper towels
--About 45 minutes of my time.

What was cool was that I got a free dinner out of it, which actually didn't sound cool at all at the time (I felt like I was going to throw up), but it was nice when I got off of work.

My manager even offered to give me a free large chocolate frosty. And said I could watch it ooze slowly out of the machine.

...I slapped him. :)

We're Honestly Not Stupid

...No matter how much you think we are.

Okay so I was working today. All the orders had been taken, so I went out into the dining room to wipe down some tables. While I was cleaning, I overheard a conversation between two women:
"I asked if I could get a Happy meal, and she was like, 'we don't have happy meals. We just have our kids' meals.' It's the same f*****g thing. Common sense, seriously."
Her counterpart replied:
"Yeah, I know. Most people here... they're really slow."
Keep in mind that my General Manager took her order. This is the woman that runs the establishment. The reason she corrected the lady who ordered was because of the toy differences; McDonald's has a particular set of kid meal toys, while we have a completely different set. It was a warning to say "You might not get what you expect."

I know I'm going out on a limb here by saying this, but-- *whisper* We're actually not pack animals.

It's a surprise, isn't it?

Now I will admit that if you're in your mid-thirties/forties and are working three minimum-wage jobs, then you might need your priorities reorganized. At the most.

But you, as our valued customer, must understand that most of us are pretty smart. Fast food might not be rocket science, but here are the talents and skills it requires:

-Acting (like movie stars)
-Social Grace (like marketers and businessmen)
-Meticulousness (like doctors)
-Speed, dexterity and reflexes (football players, baseball players, any competitive athlete...)
-A plethora of common sense. (But everyone should have that.)

Okay. So now that you've been presented with the evidence that we're actually MVP Doctors of acting and marketing and not butt-scratching monkeys, you should be able to realize that we're actually pretty smart. But if you don't, take me as an example:

I am sixteen years old. I am in the elite women's choir in my school. I'm a mostly-A-but-sometimes-B-in-Chemistry student. When I'm not doing art gigs or drawing comic pages, I'm at school being pumped full of a second language, learning how to create a work of art out of a sheet of metal, excelling in my math class, and being drilled in the mechanics of music.
Therefore, I'm hopefully not a loser. I'd like to think I'm not.

Here, I have a present for you: a quote from an article. It encompasses all students who work, although "43% reported working in fast food establishments." (The majority worked in instruction and child care, as lifeguards and referees, etc.)
"Of the total group [of students examined], 49.8% reported working part-time."
"... over 90% of each group reported never cutting class"
"...those who worked reported an average [GPA] of 3.02 (on a 4-point scale) compared to 2.98 for those who did not. "

Okay, you're a sixteen-year-old. It's fine to have a meager job. But what about those over eighteen?

First off, having a loser job doesn't mean that someone's a loser. Sometimes it does, but it usually means that:
a) No other jobs are present at the time (we've hired quite a few new adults because of the job shortages)
b) They actually --oh my goodness-- enjoy it.
c) It's enough for them to support themselves
d) They're a manager of sorts. Therefore it's not even really meager anymore.

Regarding option "b"; there are people in this world who don't want to do great things. This doesn't mean that they're losers with no brains, it just means that they have simple taste. The US seems to have always been considered the land of opportunity: any person, with a little hard work, can become anything they want to be...
The owner of a global company.
A world-renowned performer.
A peacekeeper.
A politician.

We also are a nation that seizes everything that is available (hello obesity, pornography and greed); therefore, naturally, we need to take every opportunity that will lead us to greatness.

Right now I want to refer to a scene in one of my favourite movies, "Benny and Joon." In it, Sam (played fantastically by Johnny Depp) is a very talented Buster Keaton 'impersonator' of sorts . Upon seeing Sam's talent, Benny tries to hook him up with a talent scout. Your name in lights! Vegas! Paris! You'll be famous!
But Sam is perfectly fine with sporadically pulling tricks at his friends.

I'm sorry I got on a tangent, but (if you don't already) I want you to realize that if a job supports a person, they enjoy it, and it doesn't cause any harm to them, what's the point in struggling up the ladder? Success is not made through money. You should know that for a fact. It's a necessity, like food--but also, like food, too much of it can be a big problem. Success is always made through personal happiness.


Okay, stopping that tangent. For now, anyway. To wrap things up, we actually aren't stupid. I don't know what makes people think that-- TV, movies? News? I have no idea. (Blame the media, haha. jk.)

But, anyway. I don't think that our customers are stupid. If you're going to a fast-food place, it doesn't mean your lazy, either; just that you either really enjoy our food, or are to busy doing really awesome things (we had "The Iceman Cometh" bicyclists coming in all day today) that you can't sit down or make your own food. I think, honestly, that we secretly envy you.

I mean, come on. We have to put your food on a silver (or dark brown, same difference) platter. All you have to do is eat it.

...Oh yeah. And pay for it, too. Call it even?

Dress Code

Happy November? How was your "Harvest Day?"

Now that I remember that I have a Wendy's blog, I'm kind of regretting the fact that I had Halloween night off. It would have been fun to dress up as a magician and put fries in my hat and poof them out and stuff.

Yeah... it would have been great.

But since I spent all night at my youth pastor's house eating licorice and ogling over Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, I have no Wendy's happenings to tell of.

BUT that doesn't mean that we can't do a special clothing/costume/uniform-related post. So, here goes.

The Employee Uniform
I haven't examined an array of Wendy's work uniforms, but I'm pretty sure that they all come standard for each location. What it consists of is the following:

-A shapeless red or blue t-shirt (tucked into the pants, of course)
-A black baseball cap, crested with the Wendy's emblem
-Black pants, which the employee must purchase
-Black closed-toe slip-resistant shoes, which the employee also must purchase

Managers get fancy dress-shirts instead of shapeless t-shirts, but other than that, there's no difference.

Basically what I'm trying to get to is the fact that Wendy's uniforms are, at the highest level:
-Frumpy
-Shapeless
-Unflattering
-Archaic.

Not to dis the uniform designer, or anything-- but. You've got to understand that humans are sexually driven, and will be in a much better mood towards someone they're attracted to. Don't think so?

Oh really?

Think about it. You walk into a restaurant. You're hungry, sick of driving, just want to sit down and enjoy a meal. You walk up to the counter and, lo and behold-- a handsome man smiles honestly at you/a pretty girl bats her eyes.

Bow chika wow wow, things just got a whole lot more interesting. And you're feeling a little perkier, aren't you?

Now, this isn't to say that Wendy's should only hire the stereotypical "attractive" person, because "attractive" is always an opinion. I have a co-worker who finds rednecks attractive. To each his/her own, you know. Hire good workers, that's first. But a flattering (not skanky, just flattering!) outfit wouldn't hurt much either, don't you agree?

Not only will the customer find themselves minding their manners, but the employee will feel brisk and confident. There's nothing wrong in feeding a little ego. Nobody should go strutting around in their underwear (oh goodness heavens NO), but like I said before. A little pinch there, some vertical stripes there, you've got yourself a functional fashion statement. Bon appetit!

On a Lighter Note

Okay so Swine Flue has ravaged my workplace, schoolplace and homeplace. No doubt it's affected you (the reader) as well, in some form or another.

Anyway.

Due to this inconvenient slew of illness, I was on a hiatus. No doubt you noticed and wondered if I'd died.

I know you love me.

But I thought that if you are in fact sitting sickly in your bed, deciding to wander to a personable blog about fast food, that you would not appreciate a negative post. So. I've decided to list all the things I absolutely love about Wendy's, in no particular order.


What I love about working at Wendy's--

The sheer fact that we have a cleaner called "Dazzle".
Our cleaning towels are color-coded.
Visa-vis markers are everywhere, so employees can write messages to each other on the counters.
Having a "dream team" of co-workers who I love to work with.
Being forced to wash our hands every five minutes (I'm OCD, hush hush.)
While working drive-thru, it's not necessary to ask "Is this for here or to go?"
Being paid to play in the water (AKA, washing dishes).
Seeing a newbie come in and getting retribution for how I was treated as a newbie (it's all fun and games...).
Cleaning the dining room late at night, when it's quiet and calm.
Listening in on customers' conversations (come on, everybody does it... right?).
When one of my friends comes in and orders just to see me.
When there are fresh fries up.
The smiles on customer's faces when they utter "thank you."
When customers say "thank you."
When a customer gives me any sort of gratification for doing my best for them.
Being able to watch Jim Cramer while I'm working the evening shift.
Sketching during my break.
The smell of fresh chili.
Piling oodles of ketchup packets into customer's "to-go" bags (it feels funny on my hands).
When an exchange student comes in, and I have to reword things because they don't speak fluent English.
When a really cute guy comes in and smiles a lot at me (I am sixteen, ya'know).
And, finally... payday.


Feel better, if you're sick. And if you're not sick, tell someone else to feel better. You're of no use to Wendy's if you have an icky stomach!

(Totally joking by the way about that last part. Seriously, feel better. You don't deserve to hack your brains out. :P )